Munira Sayyid

When One Wakes Up in the Morning

When one wakes up in the morning,
the first order of business
is to take utmost care
while putting on one’s head.

The head must be turned
clockwise three times
and anticlockwise five times.
The phrase, ‘Three little monkeys
eating five Chunkies’
will help in memorizing the order.

The head must then be tilted to the left
wherein the left ear
tries to touch the left shoulder
till the tendons of the right side of the neck
almost snap.
Hold this position and recite the alphabet
without a melody.
If there is even a hint of a tune,
stop immediately
and start from the very beginning.

Repeat the above by
tilting the head to the right.
Except, this time,
recite 9 times table backwards.
It is recommended to revise
9 times table
before starting the procedure
to ensure the absence of errors.
In case of error, stop immediately
and start from the very beginning.

Next, lift the chin till the nose
points at the ceiling
and stare at the tip of the nose.
Hold this position for 10 seconds.
There have been complaints
concerning this step
and studies are being conducted
to understand problem areas
and develop counter measures.
Until informed otherwise,
do not skip this step.

Drop the chin
until it touches the area
between the collar bone.
Then pucker the lips and
make sounds that resemble kissing.
There are no specifications
for the kind of kiss
the sounds must resemble.
Hold this position for 10 seconds.

Finally,
perform the ‘Bobblehead Bob’.
Hold the head straight, look forward,
then tip it up and down
and side to side rapidly
in a maneuver that mimics a bobblehead.
It is recommended to place a bobblehead
in your line of vision
to accomplish this step successfully.

John Jaswant Khan from
John Jaswant Khan’s
Bobblehead and
Foam Finger Store
has agreed to provide
a 10 percent discount
on the first bobblehead purchased.

The foam finger is not necessary
to complete the step.
The step ensures that the head
remains tightly secured
for the day.

After the head has been fixed
as per the aforementioned steps,
in the aforementioned sequence,
one must commence
the second order of business
and then deal with the tasks
assigned for the day.

The second order of business
is to drown in a cup of coffee.

 

Munira Sayyid resides in Mumbai, India. She writes poetry and flash fiction. Sometimes, what she creates freaks her out but that doesn’t stop her from doing what she loves.